Tears for a life unlived and finding wisdom in painful memories
I haven’t written for Learning to Fly here for a while. The truth is I was mostly afraid.. of what might pour out of my heart, who might read it and be hurt by it.
But sometimes, growth happens when we least expect it. Especially during those moments when we are feeling uncertain. And just like the stars guide us through the darkest nights, the right teachers and experiences appear at the right time to light our path. ✨
This week was one of those weeks. I have been immersed in the world Coaching Constellations with the wisdom of John Whittington.
It was a beautiful reminder of the universe's serendipity in bringing together a circle of coaches on their own unique journeys, connected through shared experiences and holding space for one another.
I have been transfixed by this RUMI quote from John’s book (Systemic Coaching & Constellations) this week.
Imagine the possibilities if we could let go of our judgments, our ideas of right and wrong. How would it change us as leaders, parents, colleagues, and simply as human beings?
I had the space to work through some challenging issues that I have been holding on for years within my family. It was a reminder to follow my path and hurt is part of the human condition. I stepped out into the field.
In the field that, I remembered the innocent inner child, her dreams, her hopes, her creativity and her longing to belong.
It was a reminder that I am forging a beautiful path, one that may differ from expectations. I silently asked the two people who gave me life to look upon my choices with kindness and understanding.
As coaches, our professional development often involves being coached ourselves, we’re always learning and growing. This particular program, with its focus on embodied practices and somatic wisdom, reawakened my love for writing and the power of storytelling.
This morning, as "Broken Window Serenade" played unexpectedly on my Spotify playlist, a wave of grief washed over me. Violent sobs wracked my body, the kind that come with the loss of someone deeply loved.
I wasn't mourning a recent death, but a life that could have been – a life cut tragically short so many years ago.
A childhood friend, a boy whose life ended tragically at eighteen from a drug overdose. Though our paths diverged, and I never fully knew the struggles he faced. A childhood friend that I loved as only a child could. A friend that I rejected and hurt when he needed me the most.
Our lives drifted apart too early at only eight years old when my family migrated to Australia. We met again when we were sixteen… strangers, trying to understand the world and our place in it.
I cannot change the past but if I could talk to you now, I would say “I am sorry I could not and did not have words to say that I was consumed with my own pain and suffering. I was lost, just as you were. I hope that you have found peace wherever you are.” I thank you for the short time that we had and for sharing your unconditional love of a child.
Be free TL x
May we all find the courage to step into the field beyond judgment and embrace the healing power of forgiveness.
As Rumi said:
“The wound is the place where the light enters you.”
May your own wounds be sources of strength and illumination.
Who in your life might need to hear the words you wish you could say?